The Effect of Parenting

Two Stories BOTH TRUE – and well worth reading!!
(you need to read the whole thing)

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn’t famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed ‘Easy Eddie’. He was Capone’s lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal manoeuvring kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie also got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocities that went on around him. He did have one soft spot, however, he had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.

And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. He wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.

The poem read:

‘The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour.

Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.’

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realised that someone had forgotten to top up his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were out on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenceless. He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet, nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do – he must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dived into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 calibers blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dived at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in the hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20th, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of WWII and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.

His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O’Hare was ‘Easy Eddie’s’ son.

(Pretty cool, eh!!)

For the Dads to think about

Exercise

Can you imagine if I got you to come up in front of a group and share how you feel about the pregnancy?  Five minutes each, no pressure, just speak about anything you like regarding the pregnancy.

Now how many of you (from that thought) had a physical reaction in your body, felt a bit tense, tight chest, change in breathing?

This is because you may not have felt confident in your environment.  When we have this unsafe feeling it changes our physiology.  Now intensify that by ten, and you are starting to get in the zone where a mother or child feels – scared, shocked and at times feeling totally vulnerable.

Let’s look at it from Mum’s view.

A mother ‘to be’ understands that this little person is the most precious thing to her and fears for their safety. She is entering a world in which she does not feel confident, knows is potentially life threatening and is hormonally charged. Her subconscious brain is screaming danger and she can’t quite get the messages clearly.

Baby’s view.

For the baby it is not much better. I’ve just come from a safe, cosy room with practically its own disco (sights and sounds) to a world where it is a shock to even breathe. Then people start pulling and pushing me about. Then when I do get comfortable they often move me/wake me.  I have to ingest this stuff six times per day which sometimes I can’t control – occasionally my tummy has this huge rock in it so they pick me up and jig me about – then I make these funny noises out both ends – I don’t know what that’s about. And I regularly get this warm gooey feeling that at times doesn’t feel that comfortable. At night they put me in a prison with bars, in isolation.  I must have done something wrong. This is confirmed because I can regularly feel tension in the air and hear harsh words being spoken. I am not sure this is a safe world.

There are some bonuses though. They play with me sometimes and show me simulating things, sometimes they cuddle me and I feel really safe, and at times they look at me like I’m the most precious thing on the planet.

As a man it is easy to dismiss all this stuff and yet two minutes contemplation and and an exercise in putting yourself in their shoes may bring you closer to the two people who now matter most. As men we are distant, detached to a large degree from the reality of pregnancy. We do not feel the kicks, the attachment or the undying love yet. That takes longer for most men and normally happens around 6-12 months once baby is more engaging and responsive.

The exercise I want you to take on is every day for one week stop for one minute and think what it would be like for a human being to feel scared and vulnerable with something as huge as producing a person. Put it in the diary and set the time each day so you can really focus on it!

Then ask your partner one question that night relating to it so you can get a better understanding!